How I Came Out of Darkness


I struggled with a level of depression all my younger life until I reached the pits of a Hell in a dark hole and couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, Are you experiencing the BLACK PIT of depression? Keep reading.

I was in my thirties before I discovered that I was depressed and it seemed to deepen and deepen as the years went by. Until I had a complete burnout and breakdown.

All too often, you hear people telling depressives to ‘pull yourself together’ or to use positive affirmations or other thought processes to drag themselves out of the slough of despondency. All of these ideas may work, however, my experience was when I went to psychiatrists and psychologists, theologians and councillors, I still walked away depressed and feeling totally hopeless.

My breakthrough came when I came to the end of the will to carry on with this madness of stressing, fearing, doubting, self-sabotaging, self-hatred and self-judgement, and decided to end it all. Being a perfectionist I wanted to do a perfect job to have a perfect outcome so I researched different ways to end it all and I eventually decided to use a gun. That was it, I decided and off I went drove my car under a tree and locked myself in the car. This was the defining moment of my breakthrough when I decided to let go of it all, based on my religious conditioning what I wanted to do first, is make it clear to God that I did not know him even though I was born and raised in a certain religion. Looking down at the gun in my hand. My prayer went like this.

“God whoever you are out there somewhere in this universe, I have learned about you but I am sorry I don’t know you, so if you really are out there and I have a purpose in this life then please I am asking you with tears in my eyes (literally crying) will you come here to me now and save me from myself, I have this gun in my hand and hopefully it works and I perform a successful outcome and I don’t even know how to pull a trigger but I am going to give it my best shot, so please save me from myself and show me who I am and what my purpose is I am so tired of this life I don’t want to live in it anymore”  As I was praying this, I looked up for a second and noticed an elderly lady walking towards my car with her little dog, and in my mind I was thinking “oh no, she is going to disturb me now, and I just cannot bare another day, I have taken the courage to do this thing”  She came to my car and knocked on my window and I wound the window down about 2 inches and she said “my girl, are you alright?” I replied “ No… I am going to shoot myself” she replied “ No No No you are not going to do any such thing, I am going to help you, I have been sent to you” Now at this stage I thought “oh no, I am so sick of my own story, do I really have to repeat it again for another time” she said “ Now put that gun down, I live just here which was behind where I parked, just follow me, right here she said” I then started the car and followed her into the driveway, in my mind I had a picture of a dog with its tail between its legs!!! I got out the car and went into her little house.

She ran around like a bird flapping its wings, she sat me down and opened her bible, and put both her hands into each of my hands and looked
deep into my eyes and read these words: “”Come now,  let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.

And she said repeat after me “I forgive myself, and I accept your forgiveness”. This event lasted about 15 minutes with her.

Well, I felt tons lighter, I was even afraid that this would pass and I would wake up the next day back to that feeling of depression, that
dark heavy cloud. Immediately I said to myself NO I am forgiven I refused to give into the doubt and fear.

How do you get your mind, trapped in an abyss of depression, to make any sort of shift?

Particularly when you’re so emotionally, mentally and physically drained that the prospect of even trying to engage a single thought feels like a task?

There is profound philosophical truth in the statement (and many others like it) that ‘you move toward and become that which you think most about.’ So if your thought-pattern gets stuck in a default negative state in the mind, it will simply keep running its exhausted, despondent, anxious pattern.

That’s logical. That is what happened to me and my breakthrough happened when I realised that there is no one out there that can give me the inner peace and love and forgiveness of myself. The minute I received and asked for forgiveness my whole world shifted, I became alive, I noticed the beauty of my surroundings,  The first thing I asked myself was, what can I give this Lady who came from nowhere to say thank you for being there and for listening to her inner voice and came to my aid to share the truth about who and what I am? she saved my life! and she was the answer to my prayer in the hour of life and death. The answer came to me in my thoughts I saw a bunch of yellow roses.

So I immediately went to the nearest florist to buy the yellow roses and went back only to find that she was not there, so I left it on the step of her front door with a note saying “Thank you for saving my life” and my contact details.  The next hour after the delivery of the flowers I received a call from her and she said “thank you so much for the flowers, roses are my favourite flowers and yellow is my favourite color” Now, how profound is that? I knew then that I was on the right track and that all was going to be ok no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles I am going to still face, I knew then that I will be ok.

I went home a different person, a new and revitalised state of being, everything seemed so much brighter and clearer, the chatter and noise in my head stopped, there was a silence of sorts. I looked up at the sky and noticed the clouds which I never noticed like that before and all I could say to myself is “wow, how amazing is that” I went to a leaf and pulled it off the tree and just looked at it a noticed the intricate little veins and the shape and the detail of the leaf and just felt a sense of absolute awe of this creation of ours that I just never noticed before because I was so self-absorbed and in my own hole and imprisonment. What an amazing awareness to think that I was going to end it all gives me a shudder down my spine.

I learned so much from that day forward, I learned to love myself first and then love others. I learned to embrace each moment as if it was my last and live and enjoy it to the fullest. I learned to feel and to listen and to explore. I learned the pleasure and medicinal results of laughing. I learned to smile and to have a sense of humour which I never had. I learned to be the best I can be and to share my story to inspire others.

The way you stand and move has a direct (biofeedback) effect on your brain. The way you think has a direct (psychosomatic) effect on your whole being. Make the two work in harmony to help you feel a whole lot better. Then see your energy and enthusiasm start returning.

I went through many more obstacles after my breakthrough, I always maintained that I will be ok, everything happens for my highest good. I made a conscious choice to wake up and for the first five minutes just be
grateful, I thought of all the things I am grateful for, the meaningful relationships, my possessions, the environment just all the small things that we take for granted.

I’ve found that one powerful way in which you can change the program, is through PSYCH-K®.


What is PSYCH-K®?

It is a user-friendly way, to re-write the software of your mind. To change the printout of your life. PSYCH-K® is a spiritual process with psychological benefits. For additional information visit

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9 + 1 =

This is about my friend Mary Andalaft

Mary and I became friends in 1972 when I started working with her. We have been friends throughout our marriages raising our children our divorces we went through happy times and dark sad struggling times. We went through one struggling time after another.

Mary became extremely depressed. The Doctors tried anti-depressants sleep therapy tranquilizers and nothing helped. It was as if the life just went out of Mary. She literally just gave up, I could not understand why the medication was not helping. As I also had bouts of depression and would get through it with medication.

She could hardly talk anymore, couldn’t eat couldn’t function at all. She had no mental or physical energy. Mary would go and have a bath and lay in the bath for hours. Mary just wanted to die. No matter what anyone did or said we just could not help her. She was sent to hospital for sleep therapy, but I can honestly say she became worse. She came back home, and I remember going to visit her one sunny Sunday morning and her curtains were closed and when I opened them to show her what a beautiful day it is she begged me to just close them.

I felt her depression and could feel she just wanted to die. I know she wanted to take her own life…. She can explain what happened. All I know is that something prevented her from doing it and that is Mary’s story to tell. I noticed a change that went from one extreme to the other. Overtime I noticed her getting better and better and more positive all this without medication sheer determination. Mary started to heal, she did this all herself. She had more knocks in her life enough to make her completely break down but never did.

I cannot believe what she went through and managed to pull herself through with sheer determination. She read books and went on self-improvement courses to motivate herself and slowly but surely I noticed her becoming successful with confidence. Mary has done so well for herself she has so much energy and is so alert. I know she helps people and shows people including myself how to change your thoughts to change your life forever. I am so amazed at what she has accomplished, and she showed me that nothing is impossible and
that there is no place for negative thoughts.

So this is how Mary is now, I know without a shadow of doubt there is nothing that can break her down again. She has the experience and the knowledge to show people how they can achieve what they want in life. How to get there, to overcome addictions and depression and how turn one’s life around.

Judy Lock